A New Year

Am I allowed to be glad that 2018 is done? My theme for 2018 was prayerfully selected before the year began, but I had no idea the pain that would come with "Let go." As we began the year, we suspected we would be moving, and we even knew we were likely going to Saudi Arabia, so I naively thought I was preparing myself to

• let go of stuff as we prepared for a big move, 
• let go of responsibilities I had with scouts and extracurricular activities, 
• let go of junk mail and email, and
• let go of unhealthy relationships. 

I did all that, and it may have been easier since I was being intentional about letting go, but...it broke my heart to

• let go of Allen as he worked out of town a LOT beginning in January,
• let go of our kitty who died when we were out of town in March,
• let go of stuff when our home flooded in June,
• let go of Dad when he died in July,
• let go of Ben when he went to school (not homeschool) in August,
• let go of so much of how I recently defined ME as I resigned from a very active teaching role with homeschooling, scout roles, church roles, teaching speech and debate, and serving on the scholarship committee by the end of September,
• let go of Mom, family, and friends when we left Texas and moved to Saudi in October,
• let go of homeschooling when the kids began school in November,
• let go of small traditions when I couldn't find recipe ingredients or gifts for the kids in December.

I really want to say I hated 2018, but I can't.
I did a lot of necessary purging.
I grew.
God showed up over and over and over again in big ways, even through the deep pain and sorrow.
My faith grew.
Between Dad's cancer and our move taunting me, I spoke words of love that I had always held back.
We came on a big adventure as a family.
It was a good year, but it was definitely the most PAINFUL year I've ever had.


Today the new year is fresh. I want to pick up the journaling that I quit... I think around spring of 2016 when Shadow died and I had all four kids at home for school.

My theme for 2019 is LEARN. As we are still getting our feet on the ground here in Saudi, there is so my I WANT to learn, I know there is so much I NEED to learn, and I am certain there is a lot I have no idea that I will learn, but I'm open. I love to learn and I almost always have a running list of things I want to learn, but my list is always longer than the time I make available. Some of the things on my wish list include

• finding a Bible study that I can wholeheartedly dive deeply into,
• learning conversational Arabic,
• understanding the culture on camp and off, 
• figuring out how to invest well,
• enrolling in a few art classes...and maybe some fitness classes,
• learning to confidently get around town on my own and without a car,
• reading classic literature that I never made time for,
• begin mastering family travel planning,
• researching travel books to create a 10-year travel wish list,
• figuring out how to keep my home clean enough (and having wisdom to know what "enough" is) that I can easily welcome friends and newcomers any time,
• experimenting to find a few go-to recipes that I can make for get-togethers,
• reflecting on my thoughts and emotions as I process things I've kept compartmentalized,
• understanding how to be a mom-from-afar when Will goes away to school in the fall,

... my list is so much long than that, but those are the main categories. I know we will have challenges, but I pray that I can welcome them with a spirit of joy and learn from them. I pray that I can learn to use my time and energy well, that I can focus when I need (or want) to, that I can prioritize but learn to be flexible.

Now to go spend some of today in the pile of library books!