Running for Office?

*** BEEP! BEEP *** Now that I have your attention . . . this is a story written by ALLEN!!

Will’s disciplinary plan at school uses a “Green-Yellow-Red” system for behavior. They start the day on Green and if they misbehave they get moved up the scale. On the day we had a parent-teacher-principal conference concerning his behavior, he got moved from Green to Yellow. He also didn’t get a “Token” – a special achievement the teacher said she’d begun using for Will and Nathaniel (another boy in Will’s class who’s [apparently] needed some emphasis on following rules).
Our practice at dinner has been to discuss with Will what he’s done during the day – what work he’s had, letters learned, books read, etc. and then move on to his behavior. The conversation moves along pleasantly that day, until we come to the behavior part.

Me – “How was your behavior today, Will? Did you get your token?”
Will – (reluctantly,) “I got on both Green and Yellow today.”
Which was it? Green or Yellow?
Both.
(realizing that this won’t go much further) And what about your token?
That’s a long story. We don't need to talk about it now.
I have time.
No. It’s a really long story. I don’t know if you want to hear it.
Son, I want to know why you didn’t get your token so I can help you understand how to make better choices.
OK. If you’re sure. The first part – do you know the story about the tortoise and the hare?
Yes, I know it.
About how slow and steady wins the race, but fast and not steady doesn’t come in first? But it seems like fast and steady could win, but that's another story.
Yes.
How the hare is fast and the turtle is steady and that’s why he doesn’t get behind?
Yes. Is this why you didn’t get your token?
No. OK. Part two – now the tortoise and the hare were having a race. And the tortoise went slow and steady and he won the race but the hare didn’t.
I see. Part three? What happened with your token?
OK part three. See Nathaniel and I were doing letters and he was going slow and writing too small and I was writing fast and scribbling and that’s why he didn’t get his token.
OK. Why didn’t you get your token? Is it because you were scribbling?
NO I said “me” not “he.” ME was going slow and steady.
So is that why you didn’t get your token? Were you not following directions?
OK part four – See he was writing too big on his paper and scribbling and that’s why he didn’t get his token. I was doing it and the teacher said that’s why I couldn’t have his token.
What’s Nathaniel’s writing have to do with your token?
Part five – he was writing fast and scribbling and I was doing it too small and that’s why.
So you were writing small? I thought he was writing small.
No. I said “he” not “me.” He didn’t get his token because he was writing small.
So you were scribbling?
No. I said “me” not “he.” Why are you getting so confused? Are you ready for part six? I'm on six, now, right?
Yes, Will. Why didn’t you get your token?
He didn’t get a token because Nathaniel wasn’t doing it right.
Doing what? Were you not following directions?
No, see, Daddy. In part seven I’ll explain it to you.

And that’s why he didn’t get his token that day. He never really changes the subject, but is already a master at deflecting juuuuust enough that he’s sliding out of it. I think he has a career in the Senate ahead of him. Lord help us all.

Crib Notes - Epilogue

We start installing the tents for Ben and Jon - and Will pipes up:

"Jon doesn't need a tent!"

"Why not?!"

"Because he can't climb out of his crib."

"He did at nap time..."

"No he didn't." hesitates "I put Jon in Ben's crib."

"What? How?!" thinking - how can a 4.5 year-old, who can't even reach the top of the cribs pick up a baby and move him to a new crib

"I pushed his butt."



dun dun dun!
TO BE CONTINUED!

And now for something completely different...

I feel the need to point something out - the total sum experience of living in our house is NOT defined by the... challenges... of dealing with...

Well, to put it politely - bodily functions.

Poop. Pee. Burps and toots. Discoveries about the human body that seem so... interesting... to a child.


I'd like to quote one of the smartest men I know - Dave Barry. A man who's taught me more about being a parent than any of those... other books that Sarah read when she was pregnant. Dave Barry can explain, quite succinctly, many of life's... joys. Our... dealings... with the aforementioned issue are no exception. Viz-

"Young parents spend much of their time thinking and talking about their childrens' bodily functions. You can take an educated, sophisticated couple who, before their child was born, talked about great literature and the true meaning of life, and for the first two years after they become parents, their conversations will center on the consistency of their child's stool, to the point where nobody invites them over for dinner."

Sometimes, unfortunately, the most memorable (in the moment) incidents do occur when... you'd rather they didn't. Part of what makes them funny is the fact that they're so relatable. We all have to... do our business - and who doesn't laugh when someone does it... wrong?


But again - THE KAISER FAMILY IS NOT ALL ABOUT THE POOP! We read books! We talk about... stuff. We have thoughts on world situations... We just might not be able to remember them when you call.


Especially if the dog's been throwing up.



Please resume your normal browsing and thank you. Come again soon for more stories about...

well...


about poop.

26 Things About ME (BWahahahahHAHAHAha?)

1. What is in the back seat of my car right now?
A tissue box, a Dr. Pepper can, and a body*.

2. Five people who made me smile today?
Sarah, Will, and "The Refinery." "The Refinery" counts as several people as I shake my head about the happenings here.

3. What was I doing at 8 am this morning?
Checking the e-mail.

4. What will I be doing 3 hours from now?
Most likely grocery shopping.

5. What is the last thing I said aloud?
"Bye" to Sarah on the phone.

6. What is the best ice cream flavor?
"More, please." Love that stuff.

7. What was the last thing I had to drink?
Agua media.

8. What am I wearing right now?
Jeans and a blue check buttonup shirt. COMFORTABLE SHOES.

9. What was the last thing I ate?
PB&J, black beans, sunflower seeds, apple, cheese. And ice cream.

10. Have I bought any new clothing items this week?
Not yet, but you gave my wife the idea.

11. When was the last time I ran?
Yesterday I did a little jog through the plant. No biggie.

12. What's the last sporting event I watched?
Kid-Bowl 3000 in the Playroom last night. That and Daytona.

13. Do I drink soda from a straw?
SOME THINGS ARE A LITTLE TOO PERSONAL FOR THE INTERNETS.

14. What am I doing tomorrow?
About the same. Outlook looks pretty clear.

15. What color is mywatch?
I have a very nice turqouise watch but don't wear it to work. Silver + H2S = bad.

16. What do I think of when I think of Australia?
The Philosopher's Sketch. AUSTRALIA AUSTRALIA AUSTRALIA WE LOVE YOU.


17. Would I consider plastic surgery?
I'd consider it for YOU. PHREOW.

18. What is my birthstone?
I looked it up on Google and it said granite. Or cheese.

19. Any plans today?
Yes, thank you. Also you're not my type.

20. How many states have I lived in?
Three - New Mexico (not the country), Oregon, Texas, Kansas. Wait that's four.

21. Ever go to college?
Twice.

22. Biggest annoyances in my life right now?
Significant lack of Spore and Rock Band.

23. Favorite pair of shoes I wear all the time?
I'd like to replace this woman question with the equivalent man version - my favorite pair of underwear are the set with the chili peppers that I wear when I a...

24. Do I use the word 'hello' daily?
Is that illegal now?

25. How old will I be turning on your next birthday?
Unless you have the same birthday I do, I won't turn anything.

26. How did I get some of my scars?
Opening a gate (barbed wire, WICKED scar), various sharp implements, falling on glass... the usual.


So there you go. Twenty-six things about me. That pretty much sum up my life. Yep. Right there. All there is to me.


*-it's an insect body. Freak.

ALLEN'S AT THE HELM (and babies' eyes are fine)

Sarah made the unfortunate mistake of leaving me in the house all alone with her blog. So here I am to post the update and scoop her!

The visit to the opthamologist went quite smoothly. We got to the office a little early and waited.

And waited.

The babies were all quite charming - we had long conversations with another couple and their 3 year-old daughter while the babies roamed around and brought smiles to the olderfolken in the room. Sarah and I were (MORE HER THAN ME) nervous about the eye dilations after the Jon&Kate episode, but our nurse was very rapid and they used a spray to get the chemical in their eye. No tears were had (OTHER THAN AS A REACTION TO THE BURNING SENSATION BUT THAT'S TO BE EXPECTED).

More waiting.

Then we move back into the exam room.

And wait.

The Doctor came in and was good with the kids - and for the most part they were good for him. He had neat toys to check their vision tracking and made lots of squeaks and sqwaks and squalls that kept the kids attention away from the HUGE LIGHT SHINING IN THEIR FACE. Jon won "Patient of the Day" award for his patience and Maddie won the "Fuzzy Coconut of the Day" award tho' we're sure we heard a louder kid next door. MAYBE NEXT TIME ACADEMY.

The final diagnosis - all eyes perfectly healthy and no need for glasses (YET - YOU BABIES HAVE GENETICS AGAINST YOU. FIGHT THE POWER).

And then we came home, had lunch, and got the kids down for NAPS. Three tired babies made for quite a day. They did very well having missed both a morning nap, and their usual earlier lunch. Sippies full of milk made up for it. All in all - a good time! Let's not do it again!