We've been diligently, but frustratingly, dealing with Will and discipline issues at school. The problem? In his words, "Just because they are the teachers doesn't mean I want to do what they say. I want to do what I want to do, not what they think I should be doing." He summarized all the problems, now we just have to keep at it so that eventually (hopefully sooner than later) he understands what we expect. He has been in in-school-suspension several times already in the three and a half weeks he has been in kindergarten, but yesterday they may have gotten his attention because he had to miss some of his favorite classes: PE and music.
Yesterday afternoon he sat in my lap and told me he had some questions. As we cuddled, he asked me how he could get a girl friend. I took a deep breath just to give myself a few seconds to think, then asked him if he knew what a girl friend was. Giving me the DUH-look, he explained to me, since I was too dumb to know, that it is a girl who is a friend who is more special than the other girls because [he] likes her more. Taking another contemplative breath, I added the gulp because he explained it too well for a five year old. Seriously? A girl friend? I didn't go into much detail for a few reasons: 1. I had to share this fun with Allen (much better than replaying it later,) 2. I wanted us to think through it before answering, and 3. I needed to get in the right mind-set (as in, don't giggle, he's serious). I realized that how we answered these somewhat simple questions and handled the subsequent discussion would have a huge impact on our approachability as Will got older and the questions got tougher. So, we talked for a little bit and I explained that I never had to worry about getting a girl friend, but Daddy was pretty good at it so we could all talk about it at dinner with the expert.
Dinner came way to fast, and the question came up again, but directed at Daddy. Since I had time to warn him about it, we had time to get our plan together and Allen explained that to get a girl friend, Will would need to be kind and respectful to her, her friends, her classmates, and her teacher. Nice touch, huh? The day before, Will was in in-school-suspension for spitting on another girl -- Not MY son, Will, the other one who lives with us sometimes. After we discussed the reasons that respect is so important, Will boasted that he already knew what the next step was. My mind was racing. . . "The next step to what, dear?" "To getting a girlfriend." Allen's eyebrows went up and he asked Will what the next step was. Will blushed. . . hid his face behind his hands. . . giggled. . . hid under the table. . . I forget what else. He somehow drew it into a ten-minute display of embarrassment and told us he couldn't tell us because we would laugh. When we showed him we were, in fact, serious, he continued the show so we said we could talk about it when he was ready and there was no pressure. When we tried to change the subject, he squeaked from under the table, "You can't laugh if I tell you." "Ok. We won't laugh." "Promise?" "Yes."
"I know the second step is a kiss!" he whispered as he turned a deeper shade of red, covered his face, and put his head under the table -- again. Ok. Deep breath. WHAT WOULD YOU DO??? If there is even a smirk on your face at this point in the story, there is no way I should feel guilty. . . but I couldn't help myself. . . the snicker escaped. I tried so HARD to stay serious, but he was UNDER the table!! He quickly sat up, pouted, and his eyes got puddles at the bottom as he glared at me and accused, "SEEEE?? I knew you would laugh at me. WAH!!!"
Allen saved me and we quickly explained that were weren't laughing at what he said, but the fact that he was hiding. It didn't take much to calm him down, he sat up and stated, "That's okay. I know I can trust you." Allen explained that the kiss came much later, and that was mostly the end of the conversation . . . until the kids were in bed and Allen and I could replay it. I felt horrible. I messed up. I know it. I just hope it is forgiven and doesn't cause bumps later.
When we tucked Will in that night and prayed with him like we do each night, he added an extra request to God. "God? Please, please help me get a girl friend. Amen."
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