Last night was tough. I was trying to keep the kids playing outside because the weather was pretty (trying by telling them to play outside or do laundry before playing inside.) The younger three kept wanting to come in and were frustrated with me for not letting them go ride bikes with Will and his friends. They did eventually stay and play outside (and had fun) but they made it clear they weren't happy about it. I started thinking about dinner and, having planned turkey leftovers for all of us, I realized all the kids would be grumpy about dinner being turkey again. We have only had it once this week unless you count the two nights of turkey soup; they didn't realize that the sloppy joes had ground turkey, so I'm not counting that one, either. Once I realized the kids would all complain about dinner, I really hit the tough part.
I realized how sick I am of turkey, how much I don't like the way spinach makes my teeth feel, how sickeningly sweet orange potatoes are, how sulfury eggs smell, how slimy oatmeal has been, how bland and mushy avocados are, and how tired I am of washing and slicing and coring apples because they hurt my teeth when I eat them whole. I thought about how tired I am of scrubbing oatmeal and eggs from all the bowls and pans three times a day. In my frustration with all of my menu, I still remembered WHY I was doing this and I realized I didn't want to give up, but I chose to eat my foods grumpily (yes, I chose to.) It was much easier to be grouchy than to pray at that moment.
Allen came to the menu rescue since he needed to stop by the store anyway. The kids were happy with taco nachos, and I had scrambled eggs with spinach and avocado. He even picked up a few things I was missing from the pantry to make tonight's meal -- I wonder if they'll notice turkey in their pot pie? I am really glad I'm past the half way point, and it is interesting to me to see how this project is progressing. Today, my quiet Bible time was awesome and I've had so much time to reflect on God's words. I think the negativity that hit at dinner time was Satan trying to get hold again.
When Allen and I were sitting together watching a show, my tummy was rumbling. I was hungry -- but not hungry enough to force down more turkey. We were waiting for one of our favorite shows to come on, but in the meantime, we were watching "How do they do that?" -- unfortunately, they were making English toffees with chocolate and pecans. We didn't realize how tasty they looked until my tummy growled, but then Allen switched the channel. Right away, a commercial came on the new channel with beautiful pasta dishes that Olive Garden has this month (grumble, grumble) with all-you-can-eat fresh salad and warm breadsticks, so Allen switched the channel to football. On the football show, a player was speaking in front of an ad for Dunkin Donuts (grumble) that made me remember how much I wish their was a Dunkin Donuts here because I love their Boston creme donuts even though I always get a tummy ache when I eat them. Channel switch is often automatically to Food Network, but thankfully Allen tries to remember not to do that when I'm in the room. All evening I was reminded of the foods I'm missing, and I couldn't help but dream a little bit about what I might eat on February 1st. As I think about a medium-rare filet mignon and a loaded baked potato, its hard not to think about a bit of salad dressing on a salad with lots of veggies. I continue to think about fresh yeast rolls, a minty Hershey kiss, Samoas and Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies, creamy Greek yogurt, gyros, fajitas, a margarita, and my mind just keeps going and going and going. Then I remember which foods give me tummy aches, so I try to figure out how to spread several flavors over all the month of February. Then I remember I would still have tummy aches, so I think about keeping the seven foods in February... or at least staying close to them. Then I remember self-control is something I do have and I can use it at will.
Last night I had a dream that I was doing Seven, and having a tough day. In my dream, I cheated and had a spoonful of coffee. As I rolled the bittersweet warmth in my mouth, I was happy for just a moment until I realized what I had done. Then I was so disappointed in myself for giving up. When I woke up, I realized it was just the dream I needed to keep me going. Yes -- I AM tired of these foods, but I am trusting God to get me through them. Today, I am CHOOSING to be thankful for my food, for my choices, for my health, for my new-found energy, for my jeans getting bigger each day, for the many nutritious foods I can offer my children, for my creativity with these foods... but most of all, I am thankful for what God is doing in my heart and mind.
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