Saying Good-bye

Tico - August 2011

We have had almost a year of lots of kitty problems. Last March, I was worried that Pickles was on her way to the next world. It took several months, but we finally got her diabetes under control and she was back to being healthy.

In November, Tico's healthy started declining rapidly. After several vet visits, it came down to the fact that he had some sort of infection, but the vet couldn't tell exactly what it was for several reasons: 1. Tico was very anxious at the vet's office; his heart was always racing, and it was hard to keep him calm so the doc couldn't investigate too much; 2. the only other way to see what it might be was with a scan or x-ray. The x-ray wasn't really an option because Tico would need to be sedated, but his heart had a murmur, and the vet didn't think his 15-year old heart would do well with sedation. So we came home with antibiotics and hoped for the best.

June 2011

The first round of antibiotics didn't do much, so the vet extended the prescription. He got slightly better. A couple weeks later, our poor kitty had a nasty cold, and I called for the other type of antibiotic as we started preparing our hearts for a good bye. During that time, Tico went about 5 days without eating anything, but he did continue to drink water, walk, and use the litter box. Amazingly, those meds cleared him up and he seemed to be on the mend.

In December, Tico was back to having some sort of cold again, so I started giving him the second type of antibiotic... again. With the cold and its drainage issues, our kitty's balance was really messed up. Though he still had the oomph to jump up onto our tall bed, he couldn't walk far without spinning his head and falling over (sort of like a child who has spent two minutes spinning in circles.) We think it was related to the drainage issues, but it was really sad.

By January, he was back to his somewhat normal self, but a bit hyper at times, and with a huge growth on the side of his neck. He was still mostly blind, so we kept him downstairs and chose not to board him when we went away for a weekend. The cyst or tumor or whatever-it-was got bigger and bigger and bigger until one day it was just gone. Soon after that, Tico seemed drained of all energy and was having problems finding the litter box, so we mostly confined him to the tiled bathroom and made sure there were always plenty of old towels handy.

As February started, Tico wanted to be held, but we could tell he didn't feel well. He was back to controlling his bladder, but we weren't ready to give him free-reign of the house. Then he kept tripping on his back foot as it seemed to be turned strangely. The next day, he was dragging that leg, then the day after that, he dragged both back legs.

But somehow, he still figured out how to get up on our bed, so I was a bit hopeful that he would be okay. Within a few days, he couldn't move himself except by dragging himself with his claws on the towels. He couldn't support his own weight at all, and my heart broke as he whimpered every time he needed to use the restroom or get a drink. It was very much like when I was a new mom listening for my babies to cry. All night and all day, I listened for Tico's cry and got up to try to help. The last few days, he couldn't hold his head up to drink, but I found a way to use a syringe to get him to drink. All along, my heart was crushed as I knew our moments together were numbered. And all along, Tico just wanted to be held. I found a way to sort of sleep holding him wrapped in a crib pad and towel, and during the day, I wrapped him against me with a dish towel if I needed to do things other than just sit and cuddle him. He purred.

Our Tico has spent more than fifteen years LOVING to be held with his back lined up in the crook of my arm. If we had a blanket to swaddle him in, he loved that even more. It is no wonder he is my kids' favorite cat as he loves the attention even if it is from a clumsy toddler, an excitable little boy, or a little girl wanting to wrap him like a baby doll.

Yesterday morning, I had no where to be and nothing on my must-do list... so I sat and read a book and held Tico, softly rubbing his chin and listening to his voiceless purr. If I stopped rocking the chair, he silently meowed as his voice was gone, and I rocked some more. I picked up Will and Jon and came home and gave Tico some water. Then I went to get Maddie and Ben. When I got home again, I checked on him and found he had crawled out of his towels and was calling for help... silently. I picked him up and calmed him down. I gave him some more water and he picked his head up seeming to feel much better after that drink. Then my sweet, silky-bellied tabby stopped breathing while he laid in my arms. I knew the time was coming and I really had tried to harden my heart so it wouldn't hurt so much, but I wasn't ready for it. In his green towel, I took him to the living room and called the kids as he took a few more random breaths.

I felt a little bit silly to be so torn up about a cat, but when Tico died, it tore my heart out. When Maddie and Jon started crying... then wailing... it hurt even more. We buried him in the garden and, together, the six of us shared stories about him that made us smile.

May 2014 - in Ben's tent

As a kitten, Tico climbed into our bed, snuggled between Allen and me, then sometime in the night got under the covers. When we woke up, little Tico was sleeping on his back with his head on a pillow, and with the covers up to his chin, but with his paws peeking out. Tico loved to snuggle, especially in the winter. He was very patient with toddlers who used him as a step stool as they climbed the couch, with little boys who were a bit rough with him, with a little girl (or her mama) who liked to cuddle him like a baby.