I announced my upcoming plans to my Bible study group yesterday, and one of the young ladies who has been on many overseas mission trips suggested I read a book called Kisses From Katie (Katie Davis). I started reading the introduction on the "Look Inside" section on Amazon, and was instantly sucked into her story. The first parts put into words what is going on with me right now. Katie Davis explained that when she did more than read about or talk about Jesus and actually started following Him, He wrecked her life. Though that sounds quite dramatic and those aren't quite the words I'd use, there are definitely times I feel a bit the same. Somehow my life a couple months ago is not the same one I'm living now.
The last two months, my commitment to the Lord has changed. Dramatically, from my perspective. December 31st had me preparing my meals to eat just seven foods. January 1st had me craving everything except those seven foods. By the end of the first week, I had a completely different appreciation for what it meant to seek the Fruits of the Spirit, my prayer life was different than before, and I was trying to find a way to serve others. By the end of the second week, I had devoured the book A Hunger For God: Desiring God Through Fasting and Prayer (John Piper), and started seeing my "fast" differently. I clung to a scripture that, a month ago, I likely would have skimmed as I rushed through the pages of my Bible. In fact, as I've been rereading 7 (Hatmaker), I discovered that this same scripture was actually in that book, too -- but, I didn't "notice" it the first time through, the way I would now. God was explaining, through Isaiah, what he expected from a fast.
Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I."
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I."
~ Isaiah 58:6-9
I read those words over and over and over, day after day after day. They spoke to me and clearly told me I needed to act. I needed to quit "considering it," and "just do it." Reading it again, as I'm writing this, I realize how MUCH is expected. It is nearly overwhelming to realize how challenging it would be to even know where to start; but, like Peter taking the first step out of the boat, all I can really do is take the first step, then another, and another, and keep on keeping on.
I am trying to move forward in several areas: I am filling bookcases in a doctor's office to help the Literacy Council because I believe literacy can break some chains; I am working in a food pantry weekly, filling boxes and handing them to the hungry; I am trying to gather clothes from our home to share with those who need them. It is the last part of verse 7, I am embarrassed to admit, that has challenged me the most. There have been times I've seen people -- flesh and blood people -- who have disgusted me. Maybe it isn't so much that the person disgusted me, but maybe it was their smell, or their crusty clothes, or the misspelled sign asking for money at the city intersection, or the cigarette hanging out of their mouth about to drop cinders on the baby sucking cola from a bottle. I have been disgusted by people. I have turned away from people made of flesh and blood... people made in God's image... people God loves like He loves me....
Being around some of these people lately has opened my eyes, and I believe God is using this Seven Project to open my heart and mind to seeing others as He sees them. There are few things as humbling as a man who has needed a shower for awhile looking into my eyes, telling me my smile made his day, then returning my smile with a bright mostly-toothless grin that lets me know how much he appreciated my kindness. I wanted to enjoy volunteering in the food pantry, but I didn't realize just how instantly I would find joy in the tasks. Gathering the groceries is about as exciting as it is when I get my own at the store, but the little bits of conversation I have with those who are needing help has really been a blessing to me.
By the third week of January, I put into words that I felt God was prompting me to go on a mission trip. I have had little seeds of wanting to do some sort of mission trip for the last couple years, but they have always been more like whims I might act on when my kids were older. I couldn't imagine going anywhere without Allen, and since he hasn't really been interested in going on a mission trip, I just pushed it to the back of my mind. Then I felt the God-nudges as He reminded me that I told Him I would let Him push me to being uncomfortable this year. I am so thankful to Allen and my friends for encouraging me and praying for me as I started the next roller coaster hill. By the end of January, I had enquired about two different trips -- one with a group from my church going to Muldova in December, and one with Parental Care Ministries (the ministry that supports the school Ssalli is in) to Uganda. Then I started reading Not A Fan (Kyle Idleman), and I knew I needed (not just wanted) to go on a trip.
There was a lot in Idleman's book I was not excited about reading, but the truth was there and I couldn't pretend it away. If I am going to actually follow Jesus, and not just talk about it, I have to be uncomfortable; taking up a cross to follow Him hurts. If I am following Jesus, I will make decisions and do things that my family may not understand or agree with. If I am following Jesus, I need to love as He loves. If I am following Jesus, I can't wait for my family and friends to go to the other side of the world with me if He is calling me now. That's the hard part... But He is calling me to be uncomfortable. To be working with hungry people on Fridays. To share with others what is going on with His people. To share what He is doing with me. To travel without my husband to the other side of the world. To ask for money when it would be easier to just write the check myself.
In the last week, I have decided to go to Uganda with a team who will be putting shoes on each of the more than 1500 children in the PCM schools (and, YES! that does include Ssalli). I will be out of my comfort-zone going without Allen -- to a beautiful foreign country, away from him for a seemingly long time. I will be out of my parents' comfort zone travelling to a country that is mostly surrounded by hostile countries. I will be out of my children's comfort zones being away for twelve days, but not taking them. I will be out of my comfort zone asking others to help sponsor the trip and shoes.
But... here I go.
One step at a time.
Following where He leads me.
Trusting Him to take care of everything.
It is interesting that living with just seven items of clothing has been fairly easy for me, and I have a feeling I will need to pack lightly for my June trip to Uganda. Right now, I am excited about the trip and everything is happening so quickly, yet also so slowly at the same time. (I'll post more soon!)
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