It bugs me when I can't get back to sleep. Few things are as frustrating to this tired mama as having a time set aside just for sleeping (we call it night in our home) yet not being able to get there.
Maddie woke up around 2:00am crying and with a little bit of a fever. I wiped her down with a washcloth, gave her some Tylenol, and cuddled her for about an hour. I laid her back down which woke the little boys. Jon stirred a little, his eyes open, but otherwise still undisturbed. Ben looked up at me in the dark, so I leaned close to the tent to say good night. It was so sweet -- he leaned against the mesh to kiss me. When I left the room all of them were laying down and quiet. I started to close the door and Ben shouted "NIGHT-NIGHT!" As kind as it was, the shouting jolted Jon and I listened to his wailing and rocking over the monitor for fifteen very, v e r y long minutes. I laid in bed awhile longer then gave up trying to sleep. This is about how last night went, too. Maddie didn't get feverish until yesterday afternoon, but she still woke up crying a lot. I hope it is just her teeth coming in and that she isn't getting sick -- we all just got over the first-fall colds that hit and I'm not anxious for a repeat, especially if it means sleepless nights.
Just a quick sweet story then I'll try to sleep again: This morning -- oops, I mean yesterday morning, I was holding Maddie after breakfast. She was still cranky and not feeling well, and I was trying to make her feel cozy and loved. As she sobbed off and on, Ben came over to her, gently patted her leg, and gave her a favorite baby doll -- the one that usually stops the tears. This was no coincidence; it was an intentional and simply sweet act of kindness from a not-quite-two-year-old to his sibling, and it made my heart skip a beat. Not even ten minutes later, I was again humbled by a toddler's compassion when Jon lovingly brought her sippy-cup to her. Both boys were trying to make Maddie feel better. These two acts of love, so close together, made me realize how lucky they are to have each other, but also how fast time is rushing by. All four of our little ones are getting older, bigger, and wiser and I am not always ready to let that happen.
In a few years, they probably won't wake me in the middle of the night to deal with a stuffy nose, but by then, I will have lost sleep the first half the night waiting for them to get home from a date. Oh well, such is parenthood.
Although I might be a little groggier and need an extra cup of coffee later, I really do treasure the midnight moments when my little ones are not quite awake, so very willing to cuddle. The pale light of the moon makes little cheeks glow just enough I can see if their eyes are open or shut, and I don't have the healthy kids competing for my attention. Tonight was Maddie's night. I said some extra prayers for her, I gave her lots of extra lovins (as Will says), and I was simply amazed by her beauty. Thank you, God, for the extras you gave me tonight -- please let me sleep a little more before everyone wakes up for real.
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